"No Excuse Sunday."
 
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say "
Sunday is my only day to sleep in." We will have steel
helmets for those who think the church is going to fall
down. Space heaters will be available for those that
say the church is too cold, and fans for those who say
it is too hot. We will have hearing aids for those who
say "The Preacher talks too softly," and cotton for those
who say He preaches too loudly. Score cards for those
who wish to list hypocrites present. Some relatives
will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting
on Sundays. There will be TV dinners for those who
can't go to church and cook dinner also. One
section will be devoted to trees and grass for those
who like to see God in Nature. Finally the Sanctuary
will be decorated with both Christmas Poinsettias and
Easter Lilies for those who have never seen the church
without them.